A Fistful of Assholes

Posted on Mon Nov 27th, 2017 @ 7:42am by Lieutenant Commander Shadi Zatra
Edited on on Mon Nov 27th, 2017 @ 12:34pm

923 words; about a 5 minute read

Mission: S1: These Are The Voyages...
Location: Port-side Mounting Joint
Timeline: MD 2; 10:00

The Security team arrived first. Shadi had stood vigil over the bodies of Gark and his murderer, arms crossed and mouth twisted in a snarl. It had been some doing hauling Gark's body up from the bottom of the camshaft, and yet when she had climbed back to the top, no one had arrived on the scene yet.

Three NCOs and an Ensign, all in Yellow, eventually found their way through the open panel and its crawlspace into the maintenance area. The Ensign jumped in fright when he laid eyes on Shadi. Her visage, like her uniform, crusted with the dried blood of her fallen enemy.

"The threat is over," Shadi snorted, half amused and half in contempt. She gave the dead assailant a kick. "This one smells wrong."

The Ensign raised an eyebrow. "Well, you put a hole through him. That tends to be malodorous."

Shadi wanted to smite him. "Is this funny to you, Ensign Sloth?"

"It's Bates," the Ensign corrected. "Ensign Bates. And you're now part of a criminal investigation.

"That is the Chief of Operations and his killer at your feet." Shadi pointed vigorously at the two bodies. "Show some respect."

Properly chastised, the Security team fanned out and began their forensic assessment. "I intended no disrespect, Ensign. We will first secure the area and then collect evidence for--"

Shadi interrupted him by thrusting the controller unit inches from his nose. "You will search the rest of the mounting joints in the faring for anything resssembling this. I found it attached to the base of the shock absorber."

"The day I let an Ops--"

"Do it." Shadi narrowed her eyes and snikt her talons over her chest. "Now, pleassse."

Bates dry-swallowed behind a scowl. "Lakin, scan this device and send the data to the Chief's office. I'll call in the order to search the rest of the shock asborbers." He handed the device to the enlisted officer and stepped away to a private corner before tapping his commbadge.

"Ho, there!"

From out of the crawlspace erupted a burly, slobbery fur-ball that was all paws and tongue.

"They said there were fatalities? We're here to collect them!"

A Ktarian came up behind him, though dwarfed by his bulk. "Forgive my associate here," he said gruffly. "Meth is an Amican. Their serotonin and adrenaline mix together, so they are perpetually excited by everything."

He looked down at the two corpses. "And I do mean everything."

Meth wiggled like a hula dancer. "That's not true. I am horribly fucking sad right now. Senseless deaths are nothing to be excited about." Meth's words were slightly slurred as he talked around the tongue dangling out of his mouth. "Oooh, this one smells weird." He knelt down and began sniffing outside the cracked EV suit.

The Ktarian rolled his eyes. "Get up, Meth. Shit like this is why we're on corpse retrieval."

"I'm serious, Hayk!" Meth took in a large whiff and then began panting. "This one doesn't smell right."

Hayk the Ktarian made to pull Meth off the body, but Shadi intervened.

"No, he's right. I smelled it too." She shot a glance at the Ensign from Security, but they had already packed up and were making their way to the crawlspace.

"He... hm... smells Klingon!" Meth jumped to his feet in elation. "I swear he does!"

Hayk pulled out his medical tricorder. "Biosignature matches a... Petty Officer First Class Samno... who is not a Klingon." His frown deepened. "Now you're embarrassing me along with yourself, Meth. Let's just get these stiffs prepped for transport to the morgue."

Meth cast his big, pleading brown eyes at Shadi. "You believe me! You smelled it too! Tell Hayk to scan again!"

Technically Shadi had no authority to do any such thing. "Scan both bodies. See if there's anything out of the ordinary."

"I'm just a damn technician," Hyawk protested. "I ain't no doctor."

Meth started whimpering.

"Goddammit, Meth, I hate it when you do that." Hayk sighed in exasperation. "Fine. Whatever gets us out of this armpit."

Hayk strummed his fingers over his medical tricorder as he checked and rechecked the corpses. "I don't believe it..."

"You see? You see!" Meth's tongue flopped over his chin while he jumped up and down.

"What did you find, Chief?" Shadi asked while referencing the rank on Hayk's collar.

"The Tellarite reads normal, but the other guy... Human, from his file... is showing retrograde cellular activity that's distinct from decomposition." Hayk arched his eyebrows at his tricorder before turning it sideways and giving it a slap. "This thing... it's saying your stone cold killer here is transforming into a Klingon as he rots. Or... hell if I know. Either way, he probably oughtta' be quarantined."

"Quarantine?" Meth gasped.

Shadi looked at her filthy body covered in the man's blood. "Quarantine is good. If something can make people go crazy and turn into Klingons, then we can't let it spread."

Hayk nodded as he set two compact forcefield generators onto the corpses. He affixed a third onto Shadi's chest, and then tapped his commbadge. "Hayk to Sickbay. Two stiffs and a Saurian to beam directly to quarantine."

=/\="Acknowledged,"=/\= came the reply.

"Wait, what about Ensign Bates and--"

Before Shadi could finish, blue swirling energy took her and the two corpses away.

Meth turned to Hayk. "Who is Bates?"

"Dunno'." Hayk shrugged and put away his tricorder. "But our job is done, so let's hit the decon showers."

"Oh boy!" Meth wiggled his entire body with excitement.

 

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