Straight Flush

Posted on Wed Aug 4th, 2021 @ 5:15am by Commander Onofron Zuir

1,467 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: S2:2: Something Missing Something New
Location: Deck 6, Recreation Deck
Timeline: March 2390

It had been a surprisingly quiet few days. It had been both pleasant and frustrating, or so he'd ruminated as he'd immediately disabled the tracking function on the commbadge he'd been issued. Or rather, been told that he could carry voluntarily or have implanted somewhere uncomfortable. When a military operation conscripted a guy into service, there were a few understandable assumptions at play. One of which being that he was going to be ridden like a Nimbosian horse.

So he'd done what he did best. Slipped away, walked around like he owned the place, and made himself comfortable. And started some zero-touch recon on the cyber-systems, cause what the ra'shak else did they think he was going to do? Sitting at the bar, a drink on his left and his PADD on his right, holo-display disabled to ensure no-one could get a look at what he was doing, Shurikan was starting to think he could work with this. He already had a plan forming in his head, a list of exploits building. He tossed back a shot of Aldebaran whiskey, the liquid burning pleasantly all the way down. "Take a holograph, it'll last longer," he drawled.

"Mister Tsin," said a very authoritarian voice from right behind him. "I might have looked for you here sooner, except that I wanted to give a man of letters the benefit of the doubt when it comes to..." The voice sniffed. "... tomfoolery."

A bass chuckle came up out of Shurikan's chest and he glanced over his shoulder at the word 'tomfoolery'. "Maybe you should listen to your instincts then, the benefit of the doubt is overrated," he replied, unfazed, and turned in his chair to look at the officer who'd tracked him down. "I was starting to think I could kick back here for a few months at least. You took your time."

"You have an impacted colon," Ono said glumly. "Or whatever the Trill equivalent is. You might be able to spoof the internal sensors, but not even you can for long hide your biological trail from someone trained in their management." It was one helluva weird boast, but Ono's face was so arrogant on the matter it made him look nearly droll. "I spent my junior officer years as a sanitation specialist, so believe me when I negate your belief that your shit does not stink." Leaning forward, chin to shoulder, Ono whispered, "It does." Stepping back into his own space, Ono concluded, "I hope you're prepared to defecate into your hand and clap it into its constituent particles because that is what it's going to take for you to shirk your duties on my vessel."

Shurikan's eyebrows flew up towards his hairline and he barked out a boisterous laugh. "So what you're saying is you know your shit," he chuckled, unreasonably amused by the fact that this guy had apparently tracked him down using his own feces. Well, he supposed hunters had been using similar methods for thousands of years on who-knew how many worlds. Shurikan got to his feet smoothly and clapped a huge hand on Zuir's shoulder before sliding his PADD into the inner pocket of his jacket. "Weird flex but at least you're original. Enjoy your hobby." And with that, Shurikan strolled straight past him towards the exit.

"Mister Tsin," said Ono with the annoyance of a schoolmarm and the indignation of a bootcamp instructor. "You were not dismissed."

Shurikan kept walking without missing a beat. "What's your point?"

"My point," Ono said, walking after Shurikan, "is that you had better familiarize yourself with the Uniform Code of Starfleet before I beat you with it." Hands on his hips, he said, "You will address a superior officer as 'sir' at all times and you will not leave unless dismissed."

Shurikan turned his gaze on Zuir, the look on his face undeniably amused as he kept moving. "Etavid an'a tin, shtu'at kir. Better save that book though, you might need it to clean out that sanitation system." 'Sir' never even came close to passing his lips. As he stepped out of the bar onto the main thoroughfare, he glanced about and started meandering at a relaxed pace, eyeing the technology he could see.

After a moment, he slammed right into a forcefield.

"We could do this in the brig," Ono said, huffing ever so slightly as he caught up with Shurikan, "but since you decided to show public insubordination, I asked myself, 'Why not do this right here?'"

Having caught up, Ono dropped from a trot into a measured pace that flaunted deliberate, high-stepping movements that encircled the confinement.

"What am I to do with an insubordinate crew member?" Ono asked rhetorically as he continued his slow circling.

Random passersby displayed assorted looks ranging from shocked to confused to decidedly oblivious to whatever was happening. One way or another, the foot traffic diverted around the forcefield that took up the middle of the corridor.

"We're in the frontier, you know," Ono said, paying no heed to the various people who did their best to avoid collision with him while he continued apace. "In the old days of voyaging, upstart crew members were summarily ejected from airlocks without so much as a trial." Breaking stride in order to lean in to face the forcefield, Ono said, "Without a trial, Mr. Tsin. Can you believe such barbarity?" he asked with a rueful chuckle. Falling back into his pacing without giving Shurikan the chance to answer, Ono' imperious diatribe went on without signs of stopping. "Now, there remains non-judicial discipline available to commanding officers in our more civilized times. We use words, Mr. Tsin, to express our displeasure, to administer punishment, to cajole wayward crew members back to proper conduct." He stared for a moment, measuring the Trill, before going on. "Nonetheless, Captain's Mast, the rank and file call a commanding officer's nonjudicial discipline, is a callback to the barbaric origins of nautical tradition." Tired of pacing, he looked at Shurikan with an intense facial expression that belied his droll vocal inflection. "Need I go into graphic detail about the sodomy-driven consequences of being strapped to the captain's mast of an ancient human sailing vessel for summary discipline, or can we agree that from now on protocol will be adhered to in the law and letter on this ship?"

Zuir had some spine, Shurikan would give him that. And that alone. As the officer started circling his little forcefield like a hungry targ on a power trip, the Trill simply watched him, looking thoroughly unconcerned by his plight. And the speechifying was boring. What was it with stuffy types and monologuing? He was sure somewhere in there something was supposed to intimidate him, but Shurikan was a little busy not giving a shtu. By the time Onofron was done, Shurikan was letting out a deep bass chuckle. "If you're going to do any of that, make sure you strip Tsin out of me first. The Trill take it kind of personally if you sodomise a symbiont," he answered with a shit-eating grin. "Let me break this down for you, Z," he continued, gesturing into the distance as he decided to throw a favourite human phrase into the mix. "You see that field of fucks over there?"

"Sodomize you?" Ono scowled in nauseous confusion. "What in the... no, Mr. Tsin, and I will thank you to keep your 'kinks' to yourself. You will also watch your language when addressing a superior officer. You will receive a negative letter in your personal file. Do not court another." His glare held Shurikan's gaze as he said, "Computer, drop forcefield."

As the computer warbled its acknowledgement, Ono leaned directly into Shurikan's space where he had to crane his neck to keep eye contact. "I am watching you, Mr. Tsin. Never forget." He shook his head in understated motions that were both emphatic and incredulous. "Never forget." With that, Ono backed away, certain that his message had been received.

Zuir was still talking and Shurikan's laughter was getting stronger as he continued his oblivious rant until the Trill's amusement could be heard throughout the corridor. he was grinning from ear to ear, genuinely entertained by the officer who seemed to be under the impression Shurikan cared about his threats. "I'm sure it'll be a thrilling read," Shurikan snorted, winking at Zuir when he dropped the forcefield. "Just make sure if you're spying on me in the sonic shower that you watch from the left, it's my good side."

If Ono heard, he gave no indication. He just stared with wide-eyed intensity as he backed into a nearby turbolift. As the doors closed, he let out a grim smirk. Yes, this was going to be one for future training manuals.

 

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